A Suffering Savior Pt. 2

A Suffering Savior Pt. 2


But the fact is, it was our pains he carried- our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him. That ripped and tore and crushed him – our sins! He took the whole punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed!
Isaiah 53:5 THE MESSAGE


For some time I was suffering greatly at heart. I had become acutely aware of my sin and how far I had fallen from many preconceived ideas of Christianity and fallen from the expectations of others. For months, my only prayer was, “God, I am sorry for being broken. I am sorry for the things I have done to myself. I am sorry for all the things wrong with me.”

In my own mind, I knew I had damaged myself by some of my life choices. I knew I was not exactly how God had designed me. There was a certain anguish in realizing I was not paying back what God had invested. As I continued to offer my apologies to God, I also knew I could not stay where I was. Angry, depressed and doubtful was not where I should continue to stand, without further damaging myself. I decided to continue my little prayer and seek out a reply from God that maybe… we could start again.

Three years previously, a friend had given me a Bible called The Message. I dug it out at random and vowed to start reading wherever it fell open. It opened to Isaiah 53. I was absolutely dumbfounded when I read, “But the fact is, it was our pains he carried- our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.” I found it absolutely incredible that my prayer to God had been unknowingly answered years before it was even voiced. How do you explain such a coincidence? How do you explain that my exact words were staring me in the face?

My wife caught me standing in our back yard in the middle of winter. I think she noticed the “tear-cicles” and the runny nose. She came out and asked if I was okay. I gave her a big hug and told her I thought I might have finally become a Christian. She asked, “What have you been for the last decade?” I told her, “I’m not sure what I was before, but today, I am sure He has really forgiven me.”